Confronting Addiction Cont.

This is a follow up post to my last post. And once more, if you did take the time to read it, I very much appreciate it, thank you. But as I keep mentioning, I do not express or reveal this message as a reason for sympathy or pity, I do it for the sake and support of others and to apply it as message in support for the mission of God that His voice may be heard and the Holy Spirit continues to do a work in both the souls of the lost and that of the Christ-like living.

I, strangely, feel too fortunate to even be able to speak about my experience with severe alcohol abuse. I am deeply baffled and astonished EVERYDAY on how I am still alive. I do not deserve to be alive. And I especially say this because I KNOWINGLY and WILLFULLY put myself in danger upon far far too many times to even count. But so so much more importantly, the dangers that I have put others in for my foolish and selfish actions. I do not deserve to be where I am at. I weep at every time I am reminded of this, not because I am fortunate to be alive but because I had sadly, ignorantly, and selfishly put myself before the safety others.

In addition to my last post, do not be mistaken, we are all creatures of sin and fault, therefore, I can be quite the opposite despite the words I have shared. I do not credit myself anymore than another for we were brought about to this earth just the same. I can be very much sinful, naïve, and immature. But that is why the reality of opposition we live in enables purpose for us, thus there would be no need for purpose in the first place.

I enjoy reading and especially writing when I can or am motivated to do so. It, at least for me, allows me to better think constructively and also as it is harder for me to communicate in person. I am able to set aside my impetuous feelings that can cloud my judgement when I write. Emotions are good when needed, but when used unmannerly can result in ill-fervency or riot. I truly believe anyone can achieve such levels of inclination through introspection and the utilization of the inspiration of God. I think everyone should take some time to read and write or in some way meditate and pray. I know this isn't anything new to folks and it isn't something new to myself. I have just extremely lacked upon doing so. And when you do try to really separate yourself from all the pandemonium of the world, you truly begin to awaken something in yourself, refine your senses and think more godly and constructively.

So this post is actually something I shamefully failed to mention in my last post: and that is giving my utmost thanks to the Almighty, our Redeemer, our God. I do not speak of God selfishly as "my God" for He is all our God. It shames me that He would let me live for such the incredible "lack there of" I have shown. I do not deserve this life. I very much indeed have so-called "cheated Death" far too many times or rather perhaps something else had another reason or plan for the incomprehensible that was these very dangerous and undetermined number of incidents with my demands for intoxication. And once again this is not about me but the sake of my brethren. I tremble and weep at the name of God and those I have placed in danger in the past due to these selfish actions of mine. They may not know who I am but I would ever so plaintively ask God for his mercy and forgiveness for the sake of these unknown people.

( getting away a little bit from my main message and within good spirits I would like to mention that I kind of joke with myself about how some angelic force seemingly had to be attached to my truck with, of course, due to all the needlessness and selfishness I had displayed. Sorry, I do not mean to keep sounding sad or depressed, but at the same time it just gives me chills as my truck should be in pieces and I should not be here typing about these strange experiences. Yet, as I continue to think... I guess if I had to take away something from this realization, I would moreover display the culprit for being the one in pieces. Thus, I am sincerely moving forward the best of my ability to justly mend this fragmentation of my life.)

It is not my place to finalize Judgement and I do not (should not rather) dismiss their disapproval or denial of God, but I will forever be baffled by one who does not place a faith or trust in a Higher Power. We are not absolute. We are limited and Death proves this. That is why a lot when I approach a certain something I usually do not take it at quite at a hundred percent. As humans, we will never conclusively reach that but whereby only with the eternal days of our Lord. Only God is that great in His infinite Divinity.

It is so very hard to separate ourselves in an understanding of what is beyond the world and reality that we "think" we understand so well, yet, is very easy to be consumed and fall to the things of this world. Do not let this world ultimately consume you.

I rest my post with this verse from God's Word in the KJV Bible with Revelation 1:8:

"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.”

I have this verse as a tattoo. Of course, I would have not done so if it did not resonate meaning with me. I read this verse as an affirmation of His Divinity and Supremacy whereas humanity did not create this universe, yet, humanity continues the dismal pursuit to create its own god which will in turn destroy itself twofold by committing spiritual suicide in the reality of sin and death; and then ultimately eternal damnation by separation from God since that is the decision it made for its path to freely live for itself in the ongoing attempts to arrogantly justify on its own terms the existence and origin from whence it came. It is terrifying that this mindset, motive, lifestyle, agenda, etc. is being pushed across the world to our people to become deceived by those in power that do just this.