Confronting Addiction

What I'm about to share isn't all that simple to deal with to say the least. I'm very introverted by default or so it seems and to make something public with something such as I am about to describe makes me uneasy for all the stigma that people receive concerning their downfalls and hardships. I understand we're all human but that's quite a broad statement lol. As soon as someone has revealed a significant flaw or something, idk detrimental related to their life or well-being, it is easy to place such biased judgement, ridicule, shame, stigma, discredit, etc. to them. For as if one doesn't instinctively do this to themselves already enough. Our mishaps can certainly confuse and mistaken someone's true judge of character, of course, if that someone does have the desire to build from their adversities. But, on the flip side our blemishes can stem progress so on and so forth. We learn from the mistakes or lessons in our lives to fortify ourselves, but it must come from within ourselves to ultimately make the change. Others cannot help you appropriately if you cannot begin to help yourself. And the better you understand yourself, the better you can understand others and build lasting relationships with one another.

Though it might be tough and you may be ridiculed for your faults, I believe it is beneficial and in a way humbling and/or bold and shows mature or intelligent inclination when one can expose themselves of their faults (and for not out of pity or selfishness) in a manner to better themselves, but more importantly for the betterment of others.

I was gonna say I do not know why I am sharing this cuz idk I guess it's just outside my comfort zone doing this lol but my heart yearns for the broken and by sharing I want those to know that if at all there is a time or moments in your life that drag you so far down, things that will bury you deep in the ground if you let them. Please please feel free to reach out to me whether that be social media or other forms of communication. I ain't gonna say I'm the best when it comes to communicating disclaimer lol but I will do my best.

Long story short (hopefully lol) So with all that said... some time ago when I was still in the Service, I had been transferred to a rehab facility in Texas for military servicemen and women. No, I wasn't there for duty. I was there for myself dealing with excessive alcohol abuse.

Any who, it was actually a very interesting place where I got to learn and experience many different walks of life, personalities, and of course, people dealing with some very hard circumstances in their life, myself included. It was great and refreshing to fellowship with those that were going through similar situations or rather a place where you didn't feel as targeted or misplaced, strangely. Yes sadly, I did indeed meet just about anyone coming from individuals who had done every known drug, substance, etc. in the book. I met with those that very much indeed tried what they could to commit suicide at least once and for some many many times and seeing them even in person was a mystery or miracle I suppose. Idk feel funny calling it a miracle lol but you get the point. Service members dealing with severe PTSD I met with. And there were those I met who were gang members, members of a gang trying to get out. There was even those with certain forms of autism.

 I mean it was pretty much like the Island of Misfit Toys from "Rudolph." Those with all kinds of serious mental issues ranging from... well there's crap ton so I'm just gonna insert a "small" list.

 Anxiety Disorders:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Panic Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia)

Specific Phobias

Agoraphobia

Mood Disorders:

Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)

Bipolar Disorder (Type I and Type II)

Psychotic Disorders:

Schizophrenia

Schizoaffective Disorder

Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders:

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

Hoarding Disorder

Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling Disorder)

Excoriation (Skin-Picking) Disorder

Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders:

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Acute Stress Disorder

Adjustment Disorders

Dissociative Disorders:

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder

Somatic Symptom and Related Disorders:

Somatic Symptom Disorder

Illness Anxiety Disorder (Hypochondriasis)

Conversion Disorder

Eating Disorders:

Anorexia Nervosa

Bulimia Nervosa

Binge-Eating Disorder

Sleep Disorders:

Insomnia Disorder

Narcolepsy

Sleep Apnea

Personality Disorders:

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)

Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD)

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)

Neurodevelopmental Disorders:

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Intellectual Disability (Intellectual Developmental Disorder)

Substance-Related and Addictive Disorders:

Substance Use Disorder (SUD)

Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD)

Opioid Use Disorder (OUD)

Gambling Disorder

Neurocognitive Disorders:

Alzheimer's Disease

Mild Cognitive Impairment

Delirium

Now, I do understand the many controversies that come from mental health so I share this so others can better recognize the behaviors and hopefully push toward those truly dealing with such and to not "over or ill-scrutinize" the subject. I know this is dealing with the vast complexity of the human mind and this inclines me to say I'm pretty sure WE ALL ARE a bit crazy... some just more than others lol. Mind you, you weren't recommended to be transferred to such a magical place given the severity or necessity of the situation lol.

Furthermore, I met some that I became real close with. One of which is what led me to post this long-ass passage lol. But I met a very artistically talented girl by the name of Lisa Gray who is (if I am not mistaken) of Navajo ethnicity. And I wish I could some how reach out to her knowing that she is doing alright. I was searching for some family ancestry material one day in one of my storage boxes and came across some of her artwork she simply had given me during our time at this facility in Texas. And so, I just wanted to share but a small fraction of what this girl was capable of creating.

So here you go.

Also, once again I absolutely know and understand from concrete experience the hardship, burden, loss, darkness, etc. that you or someone you may know that is severely struggling with life's inevitable adversities. Seek help with one another. Show someone you support them for the sake of our own kind. Doesn't have to be something great. Just enough to make an impression on someone's heart.

 I, by no means am seeking for pity or congratulatory approval. I am just sincerely proud that I for once in my life can say that I AM doing the best I can to remain abstinent from alcohol, for now (and I say this for even the sake of my own well-being cuz anything can happen again and I do not want to beat myself up and live with self torment and resentment if I happen to place alcohol back in my life.) or at least do what I can to not misuse, abuse, or whatever. But I have for once in my long 10+ years with excessive hard alcohol abuse, confess that this is the longest I have been without it or have been sober out of those 10+ years as this August 15 will be 5 months for me. Before, I could literally feel the need to not go without it for at least maybe 2 weeks. But majority of the time it was less than a week, then eventually almost every other day. I may not have been drinking everyday, but every time I did, I am one that it is very very hard for me to stop in one sitting and I'd eventually blackout every time I did drink. I don't know how or why I am even alive after so so so many times I was THAT intoxicated or unconscious. More importantly, those that I very well may have put their lives at risk in exchange to satisfy my own personal desires and extreme lack of regard for their safety. And I am so... so very sorry

However, in spite of the desire or dedication to remaining sober for this long, my health and medical incidents have also pretty much driven me to this point.

 I am very very thankful if you took the time to read this.

Art by Lisa Gray

"Introspection, or 'sitting in the silence,' is an unscientific way of trying to force apart the mind and senses, tied together by the life force. The contemplative mind, attempting its return to divinity, is constantly dragged back toward the senses by the life currents."

— Paramahansa Yogananda